


Why Would It Matter Anyways

by CryoSynth



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alphys Centric, Character Death, Gen, Genocide Run, I Tried, I'm Going to Hell, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Mild Gore, Mild torture, Minor Injuries, Neutral Run, Nightmares, Or Few Sentences, Other Characters Are Going To Appear Too, Psychological Trauma, References to Depression, Resets, Self-Hatred, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicidal Thoughts, Things Are Only Going To Get Worse From Now On, This escalated quickly, Thoughts of Self-harm, Undertale AU - Monofell, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?, but only for like one chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-10-28 09:02:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10828083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CryoSynth/pseuds/CryoSynth
Summary: Trapped in a Nightmare, Forced to Watch others Die, Trying to deal with her Suicidal Thoughts... Makes one Wonder How Much More she can Take. Too bad she can't Remember. Or rather, how Lucky she is to not Remember.Instead, she is Forced to Relieve All of her Mistakes in her Nightmares, Slowly Loosing her Mind to the Monster she Created Inside her Own Head.





	1. Nightmares All Around

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in the Monofell universe, so don't read this if you don't like it! If you are curious, here is the all the information you need about Monofell: http://monofell-au.tumblr.com/about
> 
> If you decided to stay, I'll tell you this: If any of the tags make you nervous and/or scared, DO NOT READ IT. Your mental health is more important.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alpha finds herself in another one of her nightmares. This time, something unexpected happenes in it, leaving her shaken.
> 
> Just what is happening? Why does she feel so Afraid of the Future?

Darkness.

 

It was all around her, everywhere she could see... swallowing her completely. She could feel the Tendrils of Darkness creeping up her legs, but she was too fast for them. She couldn't help but look around nervously, in a fruitless attempt to find Escape. She knew there wasn't one. It didn't stop her from trying to escape the Tendrils that managed to creep up her legs while she was lost in thought, trying to find an Escape that didn't Exist. She knew she couldn't escape. She had this exact same nightmare before anyways. She knew what was going to happen. It still didn't stop her from trying to wiggle away from the invisible snake-like Tendrils wrapped tightly around her. If she could just Escape she could-

 

No.

 

What was she thinking? Escape was not possible. It didn't exist. It wasn't like anyone would miss her anyways. Exept, maybe Mettaton, but was because she was his mechanic. Aside from him, there was no-one. So why fight it? Nothing was going to change. The phone ringing, the banging on her door, Mettaton berating her for her lack of LOVE... She could feel herself slowly stopping to struggle, and hung there limply, wrapped snugly in the Tendrils of Darkness. She could feel the Tendrils melting slowly into tar-like substance, but payed it no mind, too wrapped up in her own thoughts. What was so special about her? Nothing. She was Completely Worthless, Useless Pile of Dust that Shouldn't have Existed-

 

"Wh- ACK!"

 

One of the Tendrils suddenly squeezed her so tightly, it almost snapped her ribs. She hung there, trying to Recover, but it was Difficult with Pain stabbing her each time she inhaled and exhaled. "Wh... what's going on?!" She couldn't help but ask the Darkness around her, with Desperation lacing her voice heavily. She felt like bursting into tears and clawing out her own vocal chords with how Pathetic she sounded, but knew it was Pointless, since she could never bring herself to Do It. She was so Pathetic it was a wonder Mettaton could even Stand to be in her presence. She suddenly snapped into full awarness, upon feeling the tar slowly sliding down her legs -and tail-  and dripping onto the non-existent floor. She suddenly realized what was going to happen, and her SOUL shuddered in disgust, before she renewed her efforts to Escape. But before she could do much, the still solid Tendrils wrapped around her torso constricted, almost crushing her ribcage.

 

"G-Gyah! H-Guh..."

 

She couldn't help the whimpers and shouts of Pain from escaping her throat, no matter how Hard she Tried to Hold Them In. She could Feel the Tendrils Squeezing Out her Will to Live, squeezing out the Breath out from her Lungs, crushing her in their slimy hold. She could feel the Tears in her eyes threatening to fall, but she didn't let them. If she was going to Die, than she was going Down with her Dignity intact. When she managed to look up, she froze, since she could have Sworn she Saw The Monster plaguing her Mind.

It didn't Matter that Everything was Black, The Monster appeared to be Blacker Than Black, allowing her to faintly See The Thing Living Inside her own Head, Tormenting her with it's Poisoned Words. No... that was Wrong on So Many Levels. That Monster wasn't The Source of All her Problems, but merely a Representation of Everything Wrong with her.

She could feel her SOUL freeze the moment All of the Tendrils turned to tar, and couldn't help the the One Tear that managed to Escape her iron clad Control. For a few painfuly long SOUL beats Nothing happened, before the tar suddenly started moving up, towards her face.

 

"G-GYAAAAAAAAH!"

 

She coudn't help the Scream no matter how Hard she Tried. She couldn't Stop herself from trying to Escape, but She Knew she Couldn't Escape the Tar. The closer it got towards her face, the More she Struggled, the more she Shouted for it to Stop. Once the Tar reached her mouth and eyes she was Screaming her Lungs out, while Sobbing Pathetically, begging some non-existent God for this Torture to Stop. She could Feel and Hear The Monster Laughing at her, at her Pain and Torment, which sent her into a Panic, trying to valiantly Escape, but the Tar wouldn't let her go, stubbornly clinging to her body. She could feel the Tar Forcing it's way Down Her Throat, inside her own eyes, and she couldn't stop the Screech of Pure Terror, which almost Shredded her vocal chords. She couldn't stop Coughing, Spitting, Heaving nor Sobbing, since it was Too Much. She kept Coughing and Coughing until she felt Blood in her mouth, until she was Choughing up Peices of her Own Lungs. She kept Choughing and _Coughing_ and _Coughing_ and _**Coughing**_ , until she could Feel her Lungs starting to Collapse, her Ribs starting to Crack, her Brain starting to Shut Down due to the Lack of Oxygen; She could Feel herself Dying and being Unable to Stop It-

 

 

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

 

She woke up with a start, sitting up so fast, she got dizzy. She could feel her SOUL racing, as if it was trying to burst out of her body. She subconciously gripped her chest - where her SOUL is - while staring ahed with wide, terrified eyes, still half trapped within her own nightmare. She started shaking so bad she could faintly hear her bed creaking, but it didn't properly register within her terrified, sleep muddled brain. Before she knew it, she was crying - sobbing, really - and couldn't help her need to curl up with her both her hands on her chest, trying to calm her wildly beating SOUL. After what felt like hours, she calmed down enought to really process what happened in her nightmare. She could still feel the Tendrils wrapped around her, slowly turning into Tar, and than the Tar forcing it's way into her mouth. But she also couldn't help but feel as if the Nightmare was a Warning. Immense feeling of Dread filled her up when thinking about tomorrow - the future - making her feel like hiding unde her covers forever. Or better yet, digging herself a hole she could hide in for all eternity, just so she could escape the Reality. So she could escape the phone ringing, monsters banging on the door, Mettaton chewing her out on her lack of LOVE... Before she knew it, she was out of her bed and in her labcoat on her way towards the elevator leading to the True Lab. She couldn't help but feel dread about the future, but she couldn't think about that now. She needed to Forget, and the beings hidden in the True Lab should provide her with enough distracton, so she could function normally later. At least, she hoped she would forget. She really didn't need Mettaton berating her about another insignificant thing.

 

Only time will tell, what the future will bring; But she couldn't help but feel scared.


	2. Justified Apprehension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week later Alpha finds herself in another one of her Nightmares, and Sees one of the Resets.
> 
> Is this what her Nightmare was Warning her about?

When she was getting ready to sleep that night, she just knew she would have another Nightmare. She could just feel it, but nothing could have prepared her to finding herself Falling through The Darkness. It wasn't neccessarily scary, but it sure was discomforting. Falling through an Endless Void, with the only thing giving away she was even Falling being the feel of the wind and her clother flapping in the wind. She couldn't help but wonder what she will See this time. She couldn't help but Shudder in Fear and Disgust thinking about her last Nightmare. That one was the Most Violent and Disconcerning of them All. Sure, she experienced Nightmares wherere she was Choked, Crushed, Squeezed to Death, Drowned and even Mutiliated by the few monsters she knew, but that one? That one took the cake. She couldn't quite explain just Why it was the worst Nightmare she ever had, but it just Was. For some reason it sparked Fear so Instinctual in her, that it made her Wary and Terrified of The Thing she Saw in it.

 

Before long she could feel herself slowing down, prompting her to Look Down, only to see a White glowing Platform just... Floating there. Either that, or it was the Floor. It was more likely to be a Platform since there were no Walls to be Seen, but it could also be the Floor since the Darkness was so thick she sometimes couldn't even See her Own Arms or Body. Soon she had to Twist herself so she wasn't Falling back first but feet first, so she wouldn't Land on her back. Afer about a minute - or so, it was impossible to tell time in there - she Landed on the Platform. It was so Bright up close it hurt her eyes.

 

"Wh-.... What is this?"

 

After her Eyes adjusted to the Brightness, she couldn't Help but Look Around. From Above, the Platform seemed Small, but it was actually Huge. It stretched Out for what seemed miles, but she Knew it was the Darkness making it Appear so. She couldn't help but Squeek as Things started to Appear from the ground. After she Calmed Down, she recognized the setting as the Snowdin Forest. She didn't Know Where, since it was too Cold for her to be in Snowding for Long. Suddenly, she could feel a Pull urging her North-East from where she was Standing. She could feel Dread set in at the Thoutght of going in that Direction, prompting her to go South-West. Even than, the Pull was only getting Stronger and Harder to Avoid the Further she was from the Direction It wanted her to Go in.

 

"D-don't go there, don't go there, it's only going to get you killed"

 

Soon she was Muttering to herself in Paranoia while wildly Looking Around, due to the Pull being so Strong it was Night Impossible to Ignore. She took a deep Breath of the Chilly Air, and took off in a Run to Try and Escape this Hell. She Knew it was Risky to run around Blind due to the Sheer Ammount of Tightly Packed Trees Surrounding her.

 

CRACK   "A-AH!"   KRNCH

 

She Regretted her Choice to Run, the Second she Ran into a Tree, Breaking almost All her front Teeth. She Violently Shivered when she fell into the Freezing Snow, from her Run in with the Tree.

 

"WH- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

 

She scrambled to her feet and Peeked out from Behind the Tree in Fright and Froze. She could see the Tall Skeleton - Papyrus, if she remembered correctly - along with a Human Child,weilding a Plastic Knife - The Humans and Other Monsters called it Toy Knife - while staring at Papyrus in a Frightening Way. He appeared nervous in the Presence of the Child, and frankly, she felt Terrified too - she assumed he must be Feeling Terrified on the Inside, while trying to Hide it on the Outside -, since the Human Child.... Nothing About them Felt Right or Safe.

 

KRNCH    KRNCH     KRNCH     Giggle

 

She Stared as the Child - No... Demon - took Three Steps Towards the now Clearly Terrified Skeleton, before Giggling in such a Way it made her Scales and SOUL Crawl in Disgust, Terror and Shame. She couldn't help but Stare. Petrified, as the Demon Came Close to Papyrus, Raised it's Blade and- she Shut her Eyes and Looked Away as the Demon Swung Down.

 

CRACK   "G- GH..."    POOF

 

She Felt Sick just Listening to the Sound of a monster Dusting, along with the Demon Laughing Maniacally, like what they Did was some sort of Acomplishment, or something to be Proud Of. When she Opened her Eyes she Froze once Again. From her place she could Clearly see a Skeleton - this time shorter, and... Chubbier? How was that even possible? - staring at the Place Papyrus' Dust was at. Suddenly, she Remembered Papyrus sometimes Running around Screaming a Name. Sans. She suspected this shorter Skeletons Name was Sans as there were no Other Skeletons in Snowdin. She felt Anguish while staring at Sans, since she had a Feeling he was there from the Very Begining.

 

CRACK   CREAK   CREAK   CRACK

 

She turned to Stone when his head Turned to Stare at her with his _Empty_ and so Inherently _**Broken**_ Eyesockets. She felt like if he was Staring at her SOUL, and _Knew_ what all she Did, along with Who she Was. It was Disconcerning.

 

" **it's your fault** "

 

His somewhat Deep and scratchy Voice sent Shivers Down her Back while making her Wince. His Voice reminded her of Someone Running their Nails - or Claws - Down a Stone - for some reason she felt as though a Blackboard would be more appropriate but she had no idea how that sounded since there weren't any in the Underground - while also making her Scales Crawl. For some reason she Delt as though her Sins had just Crawled across her back.

 

"KYAAAA!"

 

She jumped about foot into the Air before Landing Harshly in the snow, with her SOU racing frantically. 

 

"Y- you..."

 

She just couldn't Wrap her Head around it. One moment he was at his Tree and the next he was in Front of her. It made her feel as though her Death was near. Like Death came Knocking onto her Door.

 

" **it's all YOUR fault. If you had done something earlier _none of this would hAVE HAPPENED!_** "

 

It felt as though her SOUL would Burst out of her Chest with how Fast it was Racing, with how Terrified she was Feeling, with how her Sins were _Racing_ across her back-

 

SPLAT

 

She just Stared at him in Shock. A second later she Shakily raised a Claw towards the Bone _protruding_ from her Chest, before slowly, ever so Slowly Looking Down. She almost Threw Up at the sight of it. It was Grotesque. All the **Blood** , all the _**Dust**_ , and than, his Stare. She felt like Screaming her Lungs Out while Sobbing and Laughing in Hysteria before trying to Crawl her way out of the Underground. Nothing and yet Everything made Sense now. His Stare, him Blaming her for Papyrus' death, Undynes Impending Death, the Death of _**Everyone**_. Everyone exept **_her_**. She couldn't Hold it in and just Burst out into Laughter while Sobbing quite Pathetically. She didn't resist as Sans _gripped her Throat with his Bony hand, while he slowly **choked her to Death, while he made her into a litteral pincusion full of Bones-**_

 

 

 

 

 

"GYAAAAAAH!"

 

She shot up so fast from her bed she quite litteraly toppled down from her bed, knocking the breath out of her. For a long while she just laid there in pure terror, terror so pure that it made her want to crawl into a hole and live there for the rest of her pathetic life. As her vision was slowly going black she remembered to breathe, taking a huge gasping breaths. She laid there for few more miutes just panting and shaking. This time she didn't cry. But she was really close to crying, but for some reason she didn't. It was as if some tiny part felt like she didn't deserve to cry because of that one nightmare. She shakily stood up, while trying to remember what the nightmare was about, but she just couldn't remember. It filled her with such a terror she didn't even want to know what it was about, but at the same time she felt as though she _**needed**_ to know, to know her biggest mistake. 

 

"Wh- what time it is?!"

 

She looked around in panic for her clock before sighing and sagging in relief to find out it was only 4 a.m. She still had hour and half before she needed to go and feed the Amalgamates and start her duties.

 

 

 

_**-Several hours later-** _

 

 

She sat down in her computer chair before sighing heavily, glad she could finally sit down. She absentmindedly hit the power button on the computer while looking around for something to eat. Sighing, she got up and looked into her fridge.

 

"Noodles, huh? Mettaton could have picked something different than noodles all the time. Shows how much he truly cares about me"

 

She couldn't help the bitter tone from leaking into her voice as she spoke about Mettaton. On one hand she could understand his actions since she knew she was pathetic, but even monsters coudn't survive eating one thing over and over. But what else did she have? Nothing. She couldn't go out and buy things herself, the others would have eaten her alive if she did as much as step one claw outside the door. She grabbed one and slammed it onto the computer desk. She found the things she needed and started making herself some noodles, albeit angerly. After she was done she started nibbling on them while looking through the cameras she had put all over the underground, watching for something unusual or interesting to watch. She almost choked on her noodles once she saw a human exiting the RUINS while clutching a toy knife. It made her want to brurst into hysterical tears while also making her want to crawl into a hole and not show up for 1000 years.

 

Was this what her previous nightmare was warning her about? _Was this what her current nightmare was telling her about?_

 

Whatever it was, she had a bad feeling about this. 

 

"I don't like where this is going..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Seeing as Doves (Monofell Papyrus) genocide speech is unknown I skipped it entirely. 
> 
> Also, please ignore my lame representation of dust falling to the ground/snow since I legitimately have no idea how to express that.

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, things escalated quickly. And it's only going to get worse from now on.


End file.
